You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘I need this’ tag.
Have you ever fell into a song and not been able to get out? That totally happened to me last night (and still today and probably tomorrow, too. I jumped on the Christina Perri bandwagon and that song “Arms” is just so good. I listened to it all the way home from school last night (about 45 minutes) 
and sang really loudly (appropriate adverb usage? Not sure). Most of her songs are about recovering from a debilitating break up (been there), but this one is about finding someone who understands and works to break down her walls (your, my?). And I really like it and relate to it (about having the walls mostly). I’m going to go ahead and admit that the last time I got stuck in a song it was Katy Perry’s “Hot n’ Cold” and I emailed it to this dude I was seeing. With the line, “This is how you make me feel.” I’m just going to let that sink in for a sec…
Yeah, so, that’s embarrassing. But, in the 45 minutes of listening to the song and feeling sad about being single, I remembered I’m choosing to be single right now. Trying to do the right thing for myself. I was in a very brief relationship a couple of weeks ago. On my birthday, I realized I haven’t been single on my birthday
since I turned 15. I’m 27. And, that got me thinking about how I compartmentalize my life by which guy I was with at the time, like, “Oh, that happened in 20__, and I remember that because (insert generic hipster boy name) and I were sitting on the couch…” And the guy I ended the relationship with is a great guy. It’s simply not the next right thing for me now. Because I need more time to learn to love myself. I’m getting there. I just need more time and I forget to love myself when I’m in relationships (which also needs to change). Then I started thinking about ex’s that aren’t so bad now in hindsight and email–then I realized I needed to get it together and step away from the email. That got me back into the song and the walls and me thinking about finding “that person” (let’s face it, it doesn’t exist, life is hard sometimes. It isn’t always running through the field singing “The Hills Are Alive”) who will want to break down my walls and…and…
I don’t want walls that need to be broken down. I don’t have to be broken anymore. I feel broken, in the sense of a broken toy, you know, damaged. I don’t want that for myself anymore. And that’s why I need this time to be single and heal and not consider myself damaged goods (like Sylvia Plath in The Bell Jar. Things didn’t turn out so great for her. Oven). I’ve never allowed myself that.
So, I’m giving myself at least 6 months of being single with no, absolutely NO dating. There is definitely a challenge ahead of me because my go to when I’m hurting is to rope some dude in (I’m laying down the lasso, haha). I want to get some kind of jewelry symbolizing this change in me considering I’ve never done anything like this before. And I’m excited and scared. Maybe a rope ring or something. Or pendant.
P.S. I would love to hear from you guys…I miss your comments
As I have previously mentioned, I recently moved back in with my parents. I haven’t lived here in a long time. Because I’m an adult and I’ve lived on my own. Which means feeding myself (I do appreciate you asking me what I want to eat 50 times a day, mom), having my room however I like it (just because my stuff is strewn all over the place doesn’t mean I don’t know where everything is! I swear!) and, most importantly, I have paid for and controlled my own air conditioning level.
In case you forgot, I live in Atlanta. Which is in Georgia. In the south. And it gets HOT down here. Hot like hell, with the flames and brimstone and all that. Literally (jk, I just love it when people use literally wrong). I hate summer, it’s way too hot and I hate to be hot. It’s the worst. You can’t do anything about it. I mean, I can only take so much clothing off, you know? At least when it’s cold I can snuggle up with Chico pup under my heated blanket (best invention ever).
When I lived in my house (I miss it every day, seriously), Roomie and I had an air conditioner compromise. I wanted it on 68, she wanted it somewhere above 75 (OMG, ridiculous) so we came to an agreement on 73 or 72. Although, I often waited until she went to bed and turned it lower. Because there is NOTHING worse than waking up sweaty. Agreed? Great. It’s gross. Well, guess who likes it on 78?! My father. It’s sweltering in here. 78, are you kidding me? Inside? REALLY?!
pretend this is me and I was motivated enough to make my own picture
Once I realized the air conditioner in my room wasn’t broken (which I was lead to believe throughout my childhood) I turned it down. ”78,” I thought with a laugh, “must be some kind of mistake.” Next night (it’s the worst when it’s hot and you’re trying to go to bed, see note above), sweltering again. I investigated. Dude, 78, wtf?
While being nice and driving my dad home from the mechanic in the driving rain the next afternoon, I told him I realize that he likes 78 degrees but that it’s much too hot for me to sleep at that temperature and can we compromise on 74? He laughed (not a fun chuckle, an evil magician’s laugh) and said we can compromise at 76. I suggested 75 and he replied with 77. ’sigh’ Apparently, “it’s a fortune to cool that house in the summer.” ?? It’s hot!!
The moral of the story is, my dad is trying to drive me out by killing me with the Georgia heat. The good thing? I go to bed 2 hours after he does. So, I totally win. But, probably only until the power bill comes.
Yesterday, in between my classes, I went on a trying on clothes spree. It was almost that scene from Sex in the City when Carrie tells the sales associate she’s not to buy shoes under any circumstances, she’s just there to try them on. (I tried to find a video of the scene–no luck) Once in the dressing room with about 50 things, I realized I haven’t had a Pretty Pictures post in a while and shot my outfit with the iPhone. Good ‘ol iPhone camera. What did we do before portable phones with cameras?
Trying to get my whole body in the picture was a challenge. I don’t have a lot of practice taking photos of myself in the mirror. I feel like I always look weird.
The funny thing is that I usually hate shopping. Like, with a passion. Hence, my obsession with buying clothes and makeup and purses and pretty much everything but computers on ebay. But, yesterday for some reason, I went to a bunch of stores and tried on many different things without falling in love with any items (except a $40 tee shirt I just couldn’t justify). Sometime during this experience, I decided I NEED a designer purse and walked around Dillards for about an hour. Left without one. I was feeling very un-me, but in a fun way, yesterday.
Necklace: etsy (from 3 years ago, I can’t remember, but it’s an awesome necklace!)
Shirt and vest: c/o Alternative Apparel
Short Jeans: Ann Taylor Loft
Slip ons: Keds
Ring: Lovely Bug
The week, the craziness has started up again and it’s only just beginning. I didn’t have time to write very many posts, but I did take some time outs to peruse the interwebs.
Forest Xylophone, watch it all the way through, seriously. It’s a work of art and absolutely amazing! I can’t imagine having the patience to make this.
Katrina‘s Yellow Posting–so pretty!! She showcased some other colors as well
I received the Anthropologie catalogue in the mail this week and I just want everything in it. I need a wealthy benefactor to buy me clothes and furnish my apartment.
Dresses, dresses and more dresses, all I want to wear is dresses. ‘sigh’
The cool thing is Ms. Iris has found enough dresses to wear one every day. I’m a little jealous…
And last but not at all least, these beautiful rings by Kristen Coffin. I just love rings…they rock!
Have a happy Friday and a great weekend! And maybe be on the lookout for dinosaurs and send me pictures if you happen to see any ;)
I’m still here, so I guess the world isn’t ending today. Oh well.
I found some great things on the internet this week I want to share, have a great Friday!
Love this, it’s hilarious as is the whole website!
I love Color Me Katie and this little video about her from Scout Mob is awesome.
Cute kitty crotch shot from miss Kaylah is adorable! Makes me really miss my kitties (well, they aren’t really mine anymore)
Chelsea from Seablanket is quitting her day job to become her own boss and a full time designer! I’m so excited for her, rush over there and congratulate her :)
The lovely Isobel is turning 2, I can’t believe she’s getting so big! I’m not invited to the party, but I’m going to assume it’s because I live 3,000 miles away.
I don’t know if I can live another day without these in my closet.
Fellow Atlanta blogger Lar tied the knot this week. So exciting!
Getting used to a new place is hard. So is getting used to a new roommate and a new dog. Don’t get me wrong, I really like the new place and the new roommate and the new dog. It’s just different. You know how nice it is to come home after a really long day and in your bed in your room? It’s like a haven. I don’t have that here yet. And the new street is a busy one. I’m not used to cars zooming by my window at all hours of the night. Or the noises of the other tenants in an apartment building. I haven’t lived in an apartment is years. I miss Caspian and Aravis and my porch and my chair and my neighbors, some more than others. I’ve been soooo busy with school work I haven’t really had time to unpack. So my crap is EVERYWHERE. Seriously. Roomio is all like, hey, I know you’re really busy, but can I get a time frame on your unpacking?
I know it will get better. Just needed to get it out.
Thanks :)
Today, I moved. For the first time in four years. And I had to leave behind my two beloved cats, one of whom I’ve previously referred to as my soul mate. I’ve raised those two since they were wee babies. But, my, now former, neighbor is going to take them. She already bought them a 3 story cat condo and a heated bed for the porch. So they won’t get cold. This shit plugs into the wall. They’re definitely in good hands. Even so, it’s still sad. And it’s the end of an era in my life. Which is scary and sad and stressful, but exciting all al the same time. I’m typing this is my new room while lying on my unmade bed, right on top of the mattress. I’m too exhausted to go through all of my shit to find my sheets that probably need to be washed anyway. Chico is doing nervous little circles around the bed. I have an ass ton a lot of homework I should be doing, but I’m too tired.
{source}
The amazing thing was, my family and friends really showed up for me today. I called my brother in a panic and on the verge of tears earlier this week and asked him to come help me pack stuff (since I had exactly three weeks notice) because I was so overwhelmed with the thought of leaving my house and my street and my neighborhood and my kitties that I was barely able to wrap my mind around the thought of packing, but I had to. He graciously agreed and drove through rush hour traffic on a Friday to work for 7 hours straight and help me get everything ready to move.
{source}
Then my parents and friend came out to help. And they did so with smiles on their faces and did what I needed done, and it was amazing. I can hardly believe all of the wonderful people I have in my life. My friends coming to sacrifice their Saturdays to selflessly help me and my parents coming to help me because I needed it. It was hard work, let me tell you. And my mom did her best not to give me a hard time about the dust. This all lit my heart on fire with love and thankfulness and joy (not joy for moving, mind you…you know what I mean). It was unbelievable for a person like me. Who has spent my whole life pushing people away and isolating and feeling like an island. But, in the past 6 months, I’ve made an effort. With my family, my friends, but mostly with myself and the pieces have fallen into place. It blows me away Every. Single. Day.
{source}
This is the beginning for me. I had to let go of all those other things first. The ego. Then the boyfriend. Then the job. Then security. Then the house and things. Goodness, I have soooooo many things! Now I can embrace the future, school, new friends, new experiences, a new me :)
Stay tuned for the introduction of my new roommate, Roomio.
Yes, that’s a line from Almost Famous. I feel like I have to tell people that because they never seem to get my reference.
Anyway…guess what?! I got the car! I don’t have pictures of it yet because I decided to go out of town yesterday. In defeat. I didn’t think it was going to happen. Obviously, from this. I was totally letting it get me down. I woke up sick yesterday and called my aunt and asked her to come get me. (Don’t worry, I have a legion of guard gnomes at my house protecting it.) So, I won’t actually have the car keys in my possession until tomorrow, but it’s been paid for and it in my parents’ driveway. They are awesome like that. I can’t wait to show you pictures of me posing next to it and jumping up and down. It was my dream car when I was 16, I begged my parents for one. But I wanted lime green. I’m so happy this one is black and not lime green.
On another and completely unrelated note, I’m growing my hair out. Maybe to donate again, not sure if I can make that commitment. But, I’m over the short hair. This is how long my hair was before I chopped it all off 2 1/2 years ago:
(About this picture, I would like to say that I didn’t know anything about taking pictures then (not that I have tons of knowledge now, but I have grown a lot as a photographer since this pic) and my identity at this time was completely about being the hot girl…I can’t even relate with the person in this picture now…weird how that works, huh?)
Then, I took this picture:
of Twiggy to Salon Red in Decatur and had my hair cut off to look like this:
And since then, I’ve had my hair pretty short. Never long enough to touch my shoulders and definitely not long enough to pull back, which I mis. I think once it gets long enough to style in different ways, I will probably stop and give up my wish to grow it long enough to donate. Although that would be really nice and altruistic of me to keep going. I feel really bored of my hair right now. Same. Thing. Every. Day. What do you think?
Ok, my title might be a little dramatic. But that’s what it feels like. Who knew buying a car is so emotional? As I stated in my last post, I thought I found my car. We spoke with the guy at the dealership about it, he promised not to sell it. We waited over the holiday and then the weekend, giving up prime test driving days, in hopes of getting this car. We had our mechanic look at it and we discussed the minor problems with the guy selling the car. ”No problem,” he said.
Well. Yesterday, he changed his tune. And started lying and back pedaling. Dude. We want to give you money for this car. You have a dealership and you can’t even bother to have your mechanic give you an estimate on what the small, tiny repairs will cost? Seriously? You’re taking it to auction? When we want to give you money?!! Is this really happening?
So, tomorrow I have to start over. I found a bunch of other great cars online and will visit them and test drive them tomorrow. As much as I tried not to fall in love and have my heart set on this car, it happened. And I’m disappointed. It’s so cute. And beautiful. And me.
But, it’s all good. At least I can get another car since the Civic died. Any car in Atlanta is better than no car. Or the bus (have I ever mentioned public transportation here is a joke?)
SocialVibe