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Two is the number of hours of sleep I’ve had. Twelve is the number of hours straight I worked on my model yesterday. Am I done? No. I’m not sure if I’m even close to done. Every time I think I’m almost there, something happens and there seem to be endless hours of work ahead. For some reason, this project has become my masterpiece. I feel like it’s going to be the last project I ever work on and if it isn’t perfect, life won’t go on.
I watched Alpha Dog (disturbing) and Valentines Day (not sure how I feel about this movie) last night. Good news, I now know I can totally zone out while knitting and it’s like the knitting just gets longer and time just passes. It’s pretty awesome.
So, originally, my model was going to be of a knitting shop called Knit in Public (an actual brick and mortar) and the outside was going to be a knitted scarf I was going to make out of clay. In my mind this looked awesome. I posted an awesome tweet while brainstorming this idea btw.
I spent 5 hours making my dream a reality. Twice:
Much to my chagrin, after spending the majority of my Sunday on this, it looks like a Native American hill dwelling I visited as a child with my grandparents.
I anxiously waited for my masterpiece to air dry and when I checked on it hours later, it had all cracked and crumbled. I tried to glue it back together with no luck. I have no pictures of this because I almost threw it across the room and my camera wasn’t what I was thinking about.
Being the perfectionist I tend to be, I threw the clay away and started over. With real yarn and knitting needles. Took about 5 hours to knit the scarf:
Oh yes, that’s a mosaic walkway.
So, the dreaded studio week is next week! Ahhhhh! I don’t see any time I’ve referred to it in the past, so I can’t link to it :( It’s the insane time before critique where there are no classes and we’re expected (it’s an unspoken expectation) to stay up and at school for a week and make our projects incredible. It’s pretty much one of the most stressful things ever. Unlike last quarter, I haven’t broken down in tears about school once! I think my mom is even believing I’m not emotionally unstable again (if I were her, I would’ve thought I’m emotionally unstable after seeing me last quarter, too). Woot!
Without further ado, here are the best things this week!!
A whole book in one poster? Awesomeness.
I love me some Color Me Katie. She organized all of her items into color piles. Isn’t that awesome?!
This makes me want a fish. Just so I can have the bowl, not for the fish.
Chico needs this.
Haha. After one of my classes yesterday, I am totally onto the sentiment.
Many years ago, my uncle mentioned The Dark Tower series by Stephen King at Thanksgiving (the only way I know it was Thanksgiving is because that’s the only time I see him). In holidays past, he discussed one of the King Arthur books (I think these are a genre, not sure), Lord of the Rings, Neil Gaiman and many other fantasy related topics with my cousins. My uncle, however, rarely speaks with me. Ever. I think my whole life we’ve had about 5 conversations, one of them being if if the eulogy I was delivering at my grandmother’s funeral was appropriate (he was moved to tears, thankyouverymuch).
I tried to read Lord of the Rings and I just hated it (don’t leave me hate comments about this, at least I tried), so I knew that was out of the picture. But, Stephen King might just work. I like Stephen King and he’d written some nerd fantasy books my uncle was in love with…score.
For FOUR YEARS, I read the series. I must admit, a conversation with my uncle wasn’t the only reason I read it. Like I said, I enjoy Stephen King and the books, for the most part, were enjoyable. I kept going, book after book, knowing that when I finished the seventh and final chapter, my uncle would have to have a conversation with me that consisted of more than, “How’s school?”
Finally, Halloween night of this year, I finished. The ending was horrible and I literally screamed out loud that I wanted four years of my life back, Stephen King, but it was done.
Five days ago, it was my day. Thanksgiving and me being done with the books was finally here. There was my uncle in his socks and sandals, like always. I sidled over to his chair and took a seat on the couch beside it. My moment had arrived.
“So,” I said. ”I just finished The Dark Tower Series.”
“Yeah?” he said.
“Yes. The ending was insane. Can you believe that?”
“Oh, you didn’t like it?” he asked while sipping his sweet tea and looking at the tv. ”I thought it was great. I can’t imagine it ending any other way.”
“Really?” I said. ”Well, it made sense that in the first book Roland–”
He interrupted me. ”Yeah.” Then he got up and walked off to say something to someone else.
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Since I was about 7, I have been an asshole. Maybe since before that. Then, when I was a teenager, it just got worse. Because, when you’re about 13 or 14, you just can’t help but be one.
It has been brought to my attention lately that I’m not very approachable. Which, made me sad, but I realize some of the things I’m doing that may be interpreted as unapproachable, and I’m working on it. Change is hard, ya’ll.
I’m pretty sure part of the reason I’m unapproachable is because I have a wall of bitchiness up. I don’t mean to be bitchy, it’s just there. Things just come out of my mouth. Those things I hear myself say and while I’m saying them, I’m trying to pull them back in. Then it’s out there and gauging someone’s reaction…it’s just a big mess.
I’m better now than I was in the past about watching what I say, but still. Stuff just comes out. Sigh. Like, this one time (5 years ago), I was waiting tables and this girl from high school was at one of my tables. And she asked me if I was me and if I went to so and so high school and I said yes and told her she looked great and “Didn’t you used to be fatter?” …Seriously self? Could I have worded that any worse? She didn’t take kindly to it and ended up getting free dessert (ironic she asked for that, right?).
Anyway, my goal every day this week is to not be an asshole. To lay my head on my pillow and be proud of the person I was throughout the day. To not owe any apologies for things I said or did. If something does happen and I say the wrong thing, apologize immediately. And you know what? I’m having an excellent week.
I keep forgetting to enjoy my life. Like, right now. Right now is a moment that can be enjoyed, but I’m so over powered with fear and worry of the future I’m letting today slip through my fingers. Like sand, yo! Bam!
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One of my friends suggested writing things that are freaking me out (school, job, what I’m going to do tomorrow, life, success) on toilet paper and then flushing them down the toilet. I think I might try it. I’ve got to change something, because I can’t keep letting worry take over and allow me to miss what’s going on right in front of my eyes.
Knitting time! Mother Nature has been good to us in Georgia, giving us lower temperatures already! I love it. Because I really hate summer and hate to be hot and Fall is right up my alley. Not to mention it’s a beautiful time of year.
Seeing new yarn and knits around the blogosphere has my little heart a-thumping. So, here is some knitting porn for your viewing pleasure :)
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MG, I made it through the quarter! Woot!
When I woke up yesterday, I felt like I was in a nightmare–I was soooo nervous about my critique! In my first two quarters I felt relieved on critique day, but not yesterday. I was petrified. But, I went to it and it went well. I got some great constructive criticism, they didn’t absolutely hate everything I made. I was so scared that they were going to tell me everything I created over the last 10 weeks sucked and I’m never going to be a good designer and I should quit now and then throw tomatoes at me and ruin my pretty dress. That didn’t happen. It was really nice.
Now, I’m on my break and I have no idea what to do with myself. I picked up a knitting project I haven’t worked on in…I don’t know, a year? This thing is ridiculous, ya’ll (there are pictures in the link). I looked through almost all of my knitting books and magazines last night and was convinced I wanted to pull it all out and start a new project (my mom was all like, “You CANNOT pull this out, all this work!”). But, after looking at hundred of pages of patterns, I decided to keep going with it. Sigh.
Today, Chico and I are chillin’. We’re basking in the light of our success (I consider it our success because he’s spent a lot of long nights glaring at me while I worked on projects until the wee hours of the morning). Maybe we’ll finally get a chance to get together with those Asian Cajuns.
(the letter o provided by Daily Drop Cap)
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My whole life, when anything got too hard, I quit. Teeball, Brownies, AP Biology, graduate school… I’ve never tried for anything I didn’t know I’d be good at (except twice, I did swim team in high school and tried out for dance team in middle school. Sucked at both) And right now, I’m trying at something I’m not feeling I’m good at and I want to quit so much. BUT, I’m not going to.
Quitting has always been a way of protecting myself. ”I could be good at (insert here) if I really tried.” And if I quit, I didn’t have to prove myself. I could go on say I could be good at it. Well, school is kicking my ass and I’m really trying and I don’t think I’m very good at design. But I’m not going to quit. I’m going to keep going. I feel like the panic and stress I’m experiencing right now is going to kill me, but I’m going to keep going. My fear is that I’m going to try and try and try and I’m going to find I’m not good at it and that is just not acceptable to me. But I have to keep going to find out.
Here are days 5 & 6 in order. They are both for beer packaging. One is a drawing for it and one is for research of cool packaging.
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