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Since deactivating my Facebook account (I didn’t think I’d be able to do it, but I did) I feel so. much. more. peaceful. It’s incredible. And I haven’t smoke even 1 cigarette in over 3 months. It’s awesome.
But. There is this other thing. My phone. It’s a fucking tether. And I get all caught up in it and have a hard time sitting and just being and not doing. And people having constant access to me. Not that people are always calling me and I’m so awesome, blah blah, just saying. Remember the days you could be unavailable and it was ok. There weren’t all these different ways for people to get in touch with one another. You weren’t home, they left a message and you got back to them when you had time.
And TEXTING. I hate it. Texting is appropriate for “Hey, dinner tonight at restaurant at 7?” “See you then” not these loooooooong drawn out conversations that take hours and hours when a simple phone call with have the matter cleared up in a matter of minutes. MINUTES. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me. Text arguing for a week and then once I sat down with the person, it was fine.
I’m. over. it. I will text with my friends back while they’re at work about whatever menial thing comes into his/her head and they provide me the same courtesy. And I’ll be out with it. What I’m really talking about here is boys. Don’t fucking text me and ask me to go out or play these mind games with me over text. That makes me want to kill a bitch. Ya get me? CALL. CALL ME ON THE PHONE like a real human being. Technology is pushing me further and further from the people in my life and gives an easy out to having real relationships.
That being said. Peace. I need peace and not complications. Anyone?
Recently, I was thinking about my love of proclamations. They’re pretty much ultimatums I make for my life and then never follow through. Well, sometimes I follow through, I guess that’s another proclamation. The never. Does anyone else have a problem with this? It often seems like most people have it all together and just know what to do and have no problem being adults. So, I’m like, I need to get it together. Let’s make a change, self. Then I tell myself things like,
I’m never talking to her again
I’m never talking to him again
No more texting
No more facebook
I’m going to call one of them every day
I’m going to work out every day
I’m never eating sugar again
Those people are crazy
I’m crazy
I’m not dating anyone for 6 months
I’m going to do (fill in random, intense life change here) every day/week/month/second
I’m going to do this better
I’m going to do this perfect
Then after I make said proclamation, the next week/month/day (more often than not, it’s the next day…sigh) I’m doing it again. But not just doing it, I’m doing it full force. I’m all like, well, eff it. If I can’t do said ridiculous thing perfectly, then I might as well do the opposite super intensely. Like, I’m going to smoke 3 PACKS OF CIGARETTES TODAY since I smoked one (I have actually quit smoking for a little over 2 months, yay me), I’m going to call the shit out of this person, I’m going to eat 4 pounds of sugar, I’m going to drink EIGHT cups of coffee!!
So, after I break the whatever, I’m super disappointed in myself and I feel like a failure and a loser and crazy and like I’m never going to do anything right and blah blah blah. It’s kind of no wonder I continue to attract crazy people. Goodness me.
Maybe I will try to say things like, I’m going to try to do this better, once a week, cut down, quit, whatever. And then if I fail I can try again. Because life is more about trying and doing my best. Not doing it perfect. No one can live up to that.
Can you relate?
It’s been raining here for what feels like forever (it’s been 8 days or so). We Atlantans were getting a little depressed. And by we, I mean me and some of my school and Twitter friends. We’ve been depressed and complaining about it to each other.
We’re over it!
And since I can’t seem to get to bed before 3 am (damn you youtube!) I usually look at how the sun is shining into my room to see what time it is when I open my eyes in the morning. Before 9, sleep on, after 9, get up because I assume my mom thinks I’m lazy for lying in bed for so long because she doesn’t know I stay up all night watching weird videos online. My point is, the rain has made this impossible. Especially when it’s really dark and horrible outside all day. And thundery. Boo.
As you may know, no one in Atlanta can drive. And the rain makes it worse. Imagine everyone going over 80, no blinkers, merging without looking and self-righteous driving with a thunder storm. Nightmare.
Today, my friends, the sun is shining. When I woke up, the sun was out and I thought it was after 10am, so I jumped up, but it was only 8:45. Maybe I’m not as good at sun time telling as I thought. Maybe I’m just out of practice. Today’s going to be lovely. A little vitamin D goes a long way. (Not to mention today is our only oasis from the rain. It’s storms for the rest of the week)
{source}
I don’t know about you, but I’m totally addicted to my phone. I’m constantly checking Twitter and Facebook and commenting away on every single little thing that’s going on. Like this:
Who cares that I’m ordering school books, I’ll tell you. Me. And that’s it. Because they’re expensive.
So, I decided to unplug for TWO WHOLE DAYS. No phone (because texting is out of control and it’s making my life unmanageable. FAY), no Facebook and no Twitter. I had to use my computer to complete school assignments so I couldn’t completely unplug everything. But, while on the computer, I disabled my messenger so I couldn’t get distracted by it.
I gave the people I talk to regularly the phone number for the land line and encouraged them to contact me by calling if they needed anything. Shockingly, my one friend who texts me about 100 times a day (seriously, I’m not exaggerating) didn’t call at all. I guess those messages just aren’t that important.
The weird thing is that I kept thinking of random things I needed to tweet, like “These crackers taste weird” “Chico is being bossy” “It’s freezing in here.” Stupid.
Something amazing happened. I realized I can live without my phone! OMG. I didn’t know I could. No texting, facebook, twitter, whatever and I survived. (And I didn’t get in a horrible car accident where I wasn’t able to call 911. It’s a fear of mine.) I lived even though I couldn’t constantly connect with everyone I know.
But, as soon as I turned the phone back on I was stuck to it again immediately. Checking texts, Facebook and Twitter for the last two days. I think I stared at the screen for 2 whole hours and I was with friends. I missed the point here somehow.
School started yesterday and I’m in this class that’s an international competition. My teacher told us if the class sounds fun to us (it’s another model building class, I’m all over it), awesome and we’re going to have a great quarter. But, if it doesn’t sound fun for those people to please leave the class. He said this week was going to be our rumspringa (definition below):
A one-year period during adolescence in which Amish teens diverge from their normal traditions, experiencing modern technology and perhaps even experimenting with sex, drugs, and alcohol. At the end of Rumspringa, the Amish teenager must decide whether he or she wants to return back to his or her Amish community or remain in modern society but face shunning.
but for graphic design. If we want to be in the class, we need to get all of our crazy desires out of our system this week so we can make the decision if we want to be in this class full force or not. And that deciding to be in this class is like when the Amish kids come back to the community and decide to stay Amish and commit to the life with a vengeance as opposed to those who leave the community. He also told us that there’s a 97% return rate from rumspringa, just an interesting fact. And that when he sees those of us who come back from our personal rumpringa this week we will be fully focused on this class.
He went onto say if someone stays in the class who doesn’t want to be there and isn’t going to participate that is also fine, but he will ignore you. Then when you ask him for assistance because you’re being a lazy ass, he will just pretend you’re not there. Which is kind of great.
So yeah, this week on my design rumspringa I’m going to, like, shoot epson ink into my veins and make really ugly and crazy caffeine fueled pictures in all my adobe programs and use my exacto knife and my self healing mat to cut inappropriate shapes.
{photo source/photo styling by me}
As you may know, it’s been an interesting year for me and dating. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read here, here, here and those are just these ones that have been recorded on this blog. There has been plenty more ridiculousness I haven’t cared to share.
It’s been my year of extreme dating and frankly, I’m tired. I’m tired of the assholes I’ve met that only want to get laid. It’s like they don’t even try to woo me. I mean, try to warm me up first, geez. I’m not a prostitute.
My very close friends have been encouraging me to take 6 months to a year to commit to being single and date no one. Partly because I’ve had a boyfriend on my birthday every year for the past 11 years (not all different boys, mind you) I keep saying I’m going to commit to this break and I really mean it at the time. Then I meet someone almost immediately after making the commitment and ignore forget.
But, none of these compare to the guy I was dating for the past two months. He was a doozy. And he didn’t break up well and when I say he didn’t break up well, I mean he went insane and turned into a horrible crazy man with red bulging eyes who was possible foaming at the mouth.
Then, then sent a barrage of rageful, nasty texts, facebook messages and emails. I, of course, being the new positive me, haven’t responded to any of this and deleted his number and blocked him off my facebook. I can’t be bombarded with negativity, feel me? Haven’t really figured out how to get him out of my email other that just deleting as soon as I see it’s from him.
Anyway, this last dude was the final straw to get me to really commit to staying single until at least my birthday. I think I can make it 5 months. It will be hard because I’m starting to freak out about it after two weeks about being alone forever. But I can’t do it!
Go me!
Chico and I are back at work today. He’s currently sniffing the floor with some kind of mission and I’m really paranoid that he’s going to pee. Usually sniffing this intense leads to pee.
On another note, my phone service has been suspended due to me being in graduate school and having no money. I’m looking on the bright side: it will be nice to have a break from my phone. On the down side, I might have no idea what is going on on New Year’s Eve. The only thing more depressing than having no plans on NYE is having no plans on Christmas. For reals.
I hope you had a lovely Christmas or Winter Solstice or whatever you celebrate. Here’s a highlight from my celebration:
My family is insane about out-bowing each other on gifts. I think my mom started it and now everyone is making all of these insane bows–different types with different cool materials and it’s out of control. They will also save bows from years past (mostly my moms) so there may be bows from 5 years ago on some of these packages, but at least there is a bow, damn it!
It’s a tradition for me to put them all on my head. I tried to get out of it this year, but there was some heckling and they kept throwing the bows at me anyway, so.
This is the first official day of my break. From school. Yesterday was my first day of break from classes, but I had to work at the school, so.
I don’t know what to do with myself today. I have a list of things I need to get done (wrap all gifts, clean my room [it's horrible in there, I think I'm going to move to the couch and pretend it's not happening], make pasta salad, find some kind of birthday present for a friend, read a million books on type, catch up on google reader, blah, blah, blah) but I woke up with cold/flu/death yesterday. Being sick only aids my laziness, now I have a good reason to lay on the couch all day. If cleaning my room wasn’t on my list of things to get done, I might be a little more motivated to get things done, but that just eclipses everything. Even graduate school deadlines don’t encourage me to clean. I wish I were a clean freak.
I moved all of the gifts that need wrapping to the living room and have placed them strategically around the couch and I took some tylenol. I’m hoping having to step over them to leave the couch will encourage me to wrap them and put them under the tree. We’ll see how this works out. I’ll keep you updated (maybe).
Are you watching American Horror Story? If you are and you’re confused or if you are and you don’t think you’re confused but you are, I found some great articles that made me realize everyone is confused.
Have a great Friday!
My internet is slow, it’s a ho!
I hate it and I want it to know.
I’m trying to watch vide–oooooos!
Because I’m angry and blue
And I have no reason to
be.
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