I’m never talking to her again

I’m never talking to him again

I’m never smoking again

No more texting

No more facebook

I’m going to call one of them every day

I’m going to work out every day

I’m never eating sugar again

Those people are crazy

I’m crazy

I’m not dating anyone for 6 months

I’m going to do (fill in random, intense life change here) every day/week/month/second

I’m going to do this better

I’m going to do this perfect

Then after I make said proclamation, the next week/month/day (more often than not, it’s the next day…sigh) I’m doing it again. But not just doing it, I’m doing it full force. I’m all like, well, eff it. If I can’t do said ridiculous thing perfectly, then I might as well do the opposite super intensely. Like, I’m going to smoke 3 PACKS OF CIGARETTES TODAY since I smoked one (I have actually quit smoking for a little over 2 months, yay me), I’m going to call the shit out of this person, I’m going to eat 4 pounds of sugar, I’m going to drink EIGHT cups of coffee!!

So, after I break the whatever, I’m super disappointed in myself and I feel like a failure and a loser and crazy and like I’m never going to do anything right and blah blah blah. It’s kind of no wonder I continue to attract crazy people. Goodness me.

Maybe I will try to say things like, I’m going to try to do this better, once a week, cut down, quit, whatever. And then if I fail I can try again. Because life is more about trying and doing my best. Not doing it perfect. No one can live up to that.

Can you relate?

We’re over it!

And since I can’t seem to get to bed before 3 am (damn you youtube!) I usually look at how the sun is shining into my room to see what time it is when I open my eyes in the morning. Before 9, sleep on, after 9, get up because I assume my mom thinks I’m lazy for lying in bed for so long because she doesn’t know I stay up all night watching weird videos online. My point is, the rain has made this impossible. Especially when it’s really dark and horrible outside all day. And thundery. Boo.

As you may know, no one in Atlanta can drive. And the rain makes it worse. Imagine everyone going over 80, no blinkers, merging without looking and self-righteous driving with a thunder storm. Nightmare.

Today, my friends, the sun is shining. When I woke up, the sun was out and I thought it was after 10am, so I jumped up, but it was only 8:45. Maybe I’m not as good at sun time telling as I thought. Maybe I’m just out of practice. Today’s going to be lovely. A little vitamin D goes a long way. (Not to mention today is our only oasis from the rain. It’s storms for the rest of the week)

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So, I tried not to talk about myself for a few days and it was REALLY hard. And I wasn’t very successful, but I was a little successful, so that counts for something. I feel a little better about myself.

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I don’t know about you, but I’m totally addicted to my phone. I’m constantly checking Twitter and Facebook and commenting away on every single little thing that’s going on. Like this:

Who cares that I’m ordering school books, I’ll tell you. Me. And that’s it. Because they’re expensive.

So, I decided to unplug for TWO WHOLE DAYS. No phone (because texting is out of control and it’s making my life unmanageable. FAY), no Facebook and no Twitter. I had to use my computer to complete school assignments so I couldn’t completely unplug everything. But, while on the computer, I disabled my messenger so I couldn’t get distracted by it.

I gave the people I talk to regularly the phone number for the land line and encouraged them to contact me by calling if they needed anything. Shockingly, my one friend who texts me about 100 times a day (seriously, I’m not exaggerating) didn’t call at all. I guess those messages just aren’t that important.

The weird thing is that I kept thinking of random things I needed to tweet, like “These crackers taste weird” “Chico is being bossy” “It’s freezing in here.” Stupid.

Something amazing happened. I realized I can live without my phone! OMG. I didn’t know I could. No texting, facebook, twitter, whatever and I survived. (And I didn’t get in a horrible car accident where I wasn’t able to call 911. It’s a fear of mine.) I lived even though I couldn’t constantly connect with everyone I know.

But, as soon as I turned the phone back on I was stuck to it again immediately. Checking texts, Facebook and Twitter for the last two days. I think I stared at the screen for 2 whole hours and I was with friends. I missed the point here somehow.

Your smacking
makes me sad. But, sigh,
You’re so cute

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I’ve had a sinus infection for the past month or so. It’s pretty much like an apocalypse on your body and soul. Because you get sick for a couple of days. Nausea, aches, chills, the works. Then you feel better and you think you’re cured. No problem. Right?

Hell no! It comes back again a few days later full force. And you think, maybe the cold is just back and you didn’t get rid of it like you thought. Wrong again! The process of feeling better than sick then better than sick over and over and over again makes you feel crazy. And then, you convince yourself you have AIDS and you think back over everyone you’ve ever been with and if they could be suspect for having AIDS. And then you get on WebMD (always a horrible idea) and look up the symptoms of AIDS and you’re convinced you have it. So you don’t go to the doctor and you keep getting sick and well and sick and well and sick and well and sick and well.

Then, one day you finally drag your sorry ass to the doctor because you just can’t take it anymore and if it is AIDS then at least you’ll know and people who have AIDS are, like, living forever these days, right?

You find out it’s a sinus infection (even though for some reason the doctor asks you if you’re pregnant a million times because you’re a girl…ass) and not AIDS.

You get 7 days worth of antibiotics and it finally goes away. Rejoice!!

A one-year period during adolescence in which Amish teens diverge from their normal traditions, experiencing modern technology and perhaps even experimenting with sex, drugs, and alcohol. At the end of Rumspringa, the Amish teenager must decide whether he or she wants to return back to his or her Amish community or remain in modern society but face shunning.

but for graphic design. If we want to be in the class, we need to get all of our crazy desires out of our system this week so we can make the decision if we want to be in this class full force or not. And that deciding to be in this class is like when the Amish kids come back to the community and decide to stay Amish and commit to the life with a vengeance as opposed to those who leave the community. He also told us that there’s a 97% return rate from rumspringa, just an interesting fact. And that when he sees those of us who come back from our personal rumpringa this week we will be fully focused on this class.

He went onto say if someone stays in the class who doesn’t want to be there and isn’t going to participate that is also fine, but he will ignore you. Then when you ask him for assistance because you’re being a lazy ass, he will just pretend you’re not there. Which is kind of great.

So yeah, this week on my design rumspringa I’m going to, like, shoot epson ink into my veins and make really ugly and crazy caffeine fueled pictures in all my adobe programs and use my exacto knife and my self healing mat to cut inappropriate shapes.

{photo source/photo styling by me}

As you may know, it’s been an interesting year for me and dating. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read here, here, here and those are just these ones that have been recorded on this blog. There has been plenty more ridiculousness I haven’t cared to share.

It’s been my year of extreme dating and frankly, I’m tired. I’m tired of the assholes I’ve met that only want to get laid. It’s like they don’t even try to woo me. I mean, try to warm me up first, geez. I’m not a prostitute.

My very close friends have been encouraging me to take 6 months to a year to commit to being single and date no one. Partly because I’ve had a boyfriend on my birthday every year for the past 11 years (not all different boys, mind you)  I keep saying I’m going to commit to this break and I really mean it at the time. Then I meet someone almost immediately after making the commitment and ignore forget.

But, none of these compare to the guy I was dating for the past two months. He was a doozy. And he didn’t break up well and when I say he didn’t break up well, I mean he went insane and turned into a horrible crazy man with red bulging eyes who was possible foaming at the mouth.

Then, then sent a barrage of rageful, nasty texts, facebook messages and emails. I, of course, being the new positive me, haven’t responded to any of this and deleted his number and blocked him off my facebook. I can’t be bombarded with negativity, feel me? Haven’t really figured out how to get him out of my email other that just deleting as soon as I see it’s from him.

Anyway, this last dude was the final straw to get me to really commit to staying single until at least my birthday. I think I can make it 5 months. It will be hard because I’m starting to freak out about it after two weeks about being alone forever. But I can’t do it!

Go me!

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Inspired by this post, I’m going to dedicate 2012 to positivity.  In the past, I’ve often been over taken by pity for myself. Which is ridiculous because I’m so blessed and lucky. It’s not everyone whose parents would let her move home to go to graduate school and it’s not everyone who has the chance to follow her dreams and even go back to school. I have wonderful and supportive family and friends who are always there for me when I need some lifting up. And lately, I’ve been able to be there for them when they have needed love. It’s been awesome.

I’ve really tried to dedicate myself to positivity these past few months and it’s been amazing. Like, really,life changing amazing. Having a good attitude and looking to the positive and having a smile or a nice thought for others really makes a difference. I’ve also noticed that not being a jerk in traffic is helping, too. I don’t know if you know this, but in Atlanta, every driver is an asshole.  If one puts his blinker on, there is no way he is going to be able to change lanes. Everyone speeds up so that person can’t change lanes. This is my nature, it’s just what everyone in Atlanta does. But I don’t have to be like that and I’ve tried my best not to be. Now, I’m less angry when I drive.

So, 2012, I’m going to be nicer and maybe even start spewing some rainbows of my own.