I was watching an episode of America’s Next Top Model a couple of Saturdays ago with Roomie and one of the girls was yelling, “Just because I’m not spewing rainbows doesn’t mean I won’t make a good role model!!”  All of us at home did realize she had a kind of lousy attitude, but a lot of models do.  Just sayin’.  Anyway, this got me thinking.  I don’t spew rainbows.  And I feel like I’ve been like this for most of my life toward those lucky rainbow spewers (demonstrated in picture below)

I have been known as the quintessential rain on your parader.  I felt threatened by the rainbow spewers.  I stayed away from them.  Couldn’t relate to someone who constantly saw the glass half full and smile through most situations and had a generally sunny disposition to life.  I was not sunny.  Like, probably the opposite of sunny.  Then multiply that by 100.

After watching this episode, I realized, for the first time in my life I would like to spew rainbows.  Maybe one day, I will be the sunny person in the room people are drawn to.  I’m definitely getting there.  As I said on twitter the other day, “I’ve been mean since I came out of the womb.”  You know what?  I’m tired of being so mean.  I’m tired of having the wall up and keeping every one at an arm’s distance in case, heaven forbid, someone gets too close and might really know me.

In the past six months or so, I have made major strides toward being nicer and sunnier.  I’m excited about where I’m headed.  I don’t need the wall or the “wittiness” to protect me anymore.  I want to be out there and I want to be liked.  I’ll always be a little weird and a little different, but it’s no longer okay for me to hide behind those things as an excuse to separate myself from humanity.

Who knows?  Maybe one day soon I’ll be walking around spewing rainbows annoying my former self

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