This weekend, I was driving around thinking about awkward laughter.  And how thankful I am that I no longer have someone pointing out every time I awkwardly laugh about something, or anything awkward I do for that matter.

For several years, I dated a guy who would say “awkward laughter” every time I would laugh uncomfortably about something.  Since awkward laughter is usually the reaction to being uncomfortable, having this pointed out further just made me feel worse.  He would also says things like, “awkward silence,” or “you’re just messing with your bracelets/shoes/earrings/cat because you feel uncomfortable.”  I was always like, I do feel uncomfortable!  And you pointing it out doesn’t make it any better.  I hated that.  I felt like I had to think before any natural reaction to anything.  I lost some of my “me-ness.”  I stopped laughing at awkward situations, because I didn’t want to be called out, which would have been fine if he only did it when it was just the two of us, but he did it in front of other people.  He was always nit-picking everything I did.

I like to sleep with something over my eyes, a pillow, a blanket, whatever.  I even had a sleep mask for several years.  He would call this “pillow head” and dismiss me for the evening.  It made me feel there was something wrong with me.  Not to mention that I “wore too much makeup” and had earrings that made me look “like a Mexican prostitute,” whatever that means.  I think there are more factors than earring that cause someone to look like a prostitute and since I have not one drop of Latino blood in my body, I’m not sure where the Mexican part comes in.

I’m not really sure where I am going with this.  The awkward laughter was the only thing I had written down to get my mind going for this post.  I guess, I am just so thankful that I can now awkward laugh and wear prostitute earrings to my little heart’s content without being judged.  I no longer have to worry if I have “too much make up on” or if I “look slutty.”  It’s nice.