My mom told me last night that life is dealing with one crisis after the next. Once one ends, you begin preparing for the next. I completely disagree with this. If all I am doing is jumping from one bad event to the next, what is the point?
I am dealing with a personal crisis right now. And it’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. I have lived my whole life living preparing myself for the next horrible thing and I’m really over it. Even though I’m having a really hard time and things aren’t the way I want them to be, I will be fine. This is an awesome realization for me. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so “okay” before. My mom keeps calling me and giving me her “words of wisdom” because she’s so worried I am going to freak out and do something drastic. I have reassured her I’ve changed. “I’m really fine, Mom. Just sad, ” I keep telling her. “I wish things were different, but they just aren’t.” I hate change and I hate not getting my way and right now one chapter of my life is over and another one is beginning. While I am very sad to see the last chapter go (you could say devastated), it’s exciting to prepare for the new chapter. I want to force myself to get out and do things I’ve always been afraid to do. Or that I didn’t have time for (most of the time means I have been afraid).
This week I am going to a knitting meet up I have been meaning to get around to for three years. I have been on their mailing list for three years. This means they have sent me an email once of twice a week all this time and I have never bothered to show up. I’ve always been too afraid to put myself out there and meet new people. Even though they are all fellow knitters, who have a strong bond just because of our craft. It’s kind of like in high school when you found out someone who’d been in classes with you for years also smoked pot and you were all like, We could’ve been hanging out all this time! So, yes, I’m nervous, but really excited.
This new chapter will be scary, but I’m done preparing myself for the worst and riding from one crisis to the next. Life is worth living and I am ready to live it.
(I’m not yet ready to publicly tell what this crisis is, but if you want to know, please email me. My email is on the Contact Moi page.)
12 comments
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March 9, 2010 at 9:49 am
kaitechnolust
You know it’s good that you realize that you will be ok no matter what. I’ve been in tough situations, rough neighborhoods, had to do a LOT of things I never thought I would, but no matter what it took, I always came out on top. It sucked but it taught me that I’m a survivor, no matter what the cost.
You’re a strong woman and you’ll be fine. I’m glad you know that. It’ll be hard at times, but you’ll get through it. Mostly because you’re strong, partly because you have friends that are here for you. If you need to have a drink or something, let me know. :)
March 9, 2010 at 9:57 am
Windsor Grace
Thanks! You’re awesome. I appreciate reading about your crazy, drunk women on Twitter.
March 9, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Busty Satan
Life is worth living and I am ready to live it.
With an attitude like that I’m confident you’ll be just fine, no matter what comes your way. AND (not to get all Oprah-Secret-goodbreedsgood on you, but) if you expect the best and are able to push yourself past your fear, I’ve found that the universe typically obliges. Color me impressed by your approach to dealing with whatever this crisis may be.
March 9, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Windsor Grace
I love that response! Awesome!
March 9, 2010 at 9:30 pm
AsianCajuns (Cath)
What a great outlook on a crappy moment. I definitely disagree with your mom and I’m relatively pessimistic! I don’t think life is just a bunch of crisis and regardless of whether or not you think something is meant to be, you’re still going to learn from the experience and that’s something to be positive about.
March 10, 2010 at 8:44 am
Windsor Grace
Thank you, ma’am. You’re awesome. I am usually a pessimist, but I am working on being more positive. It has been a long and slow process.
March 10, 2010 at 11:04 am
hannahkaty
I hope all works out! This is very inspirational though, I am right with you… time to stop jumping from crisis to crisis and really start living. Isn’t it funny how our lives can be filled with so much good but we always manage to be attracted to thinking of the worst. I wish there was a way to wrestle this negativity and rid myself of it permanently.
Best,
Hannah Katy
March 10, 2010 at 11:09 am
Windsor Grace
I do wish that I could completely rid my life of negativity all together, but that is impossible and not something I want to waste my time wishing for. I do, however, hope that in the future, I will continue to find the positive in things. :)
March 10, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks
I look at it this way … when one door closes, another door opens. I’m quite certain what you’re going through is lousy and no fun. But, there is a world of opportunity awaiting you that maybe you couldn’t reach before this crisis. Hang in there.
March 10, 2010 at 5:40 pm
Tiny Tyrant
I hope you had fun. I love my knit group even if I don’t get to see them that often.
March 10, 2010 at 7:02 pm
A Vapid Blonde
I hope what ever you are going through gets easier quickly. Also life is too short to not spend your time enjoying it!
March 18, 2010 at 10:11 pm
Oiyi
I hope your knitting meet up was fun. I love going to mine and can’t imagine life without it these days. It’s my only connection to the outside world some times because I am taking care of my 2 yr old full time.