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Did you watch the Superbowl last night? I sat in a room where it was on and tried not to eat vomit and baby wipe flavored jelly beans (dude, Alix, where the hell did you get those? Baby wipes in chewy form is gross).
So, I want to share my personal favorites of the commercials I saw. Here you are:
src=”http://www.youtube.com/v/6L-dGdrCJYk&hl=en_US&fs=1&” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” allowscriptaccess=”always” allowfullscreen=”true” width=”560″ height=”340″>
How could you not love that? Especially in light of the recent Late Show shenanigans.
Aw. All of the ladies I watched with think this is soo sweet and really different. Hearts.
And I put this one last. Because these Etrade commercials are the creepiest things ever and every time one comes on I want to gouge my eyes out.
Happy Monday, ya’ll.
People are constantly finding this site by searching for “can dogs get raped” or “I think my dog got raped” or some other awesome combination of dogs and raping. I have proof. See:
I know it's hard to believe, but I'm not lying about this!! Justin thinks the search makes it up.
And this person can’t even spell “can.” Ridiculous. I have decided to take this search into my own hands. I never thought that dog raping was such a popular search topic, but it is. I need to get in on this.
Wow. I would assume I am number 2 only because this isn’t a subject that is searched much, but I know that’s just not true. And in case you were distracted by all of the arrows I drew freehand (I am lefthanded…hard with the mouse, very hard), WTF is this?!!!
I don’t even have any words for this. Bestiality really freaks me out. Apparently, more than most people, because too many of the people I am around think it’s funny. Maybe I need new friends. And, why am I tempted to watch this? Just to see? Ew. Just really, really ew.
On with the research.
According to Yahoo Answers, which is the only search option ahead of me (surprisingly makes me feel validated), dogs can’t get raped. Because they only do it when they are in heat (or other dogs only want to do it with female dogs when they are in heat or something). But, if a bigger dog has sex with a smaller female dog, then the smaller dog’s vagina can stretch to 6x it’s normal size. Fascinating stuff.
Dictionary.com...boo-yah!!
Moving on, there is a wikianswers page called, “Is it possable to be raped by a dog?” Is anything possable? No. The answer is no. You know why? Because possable isn’t a word. ‘Sigh’ People can’t even ask stupid, pointless questions. If you are going to pose a question to the powers that be, you need to spell it right. Just sayin’.
Enough of that. Also, did you notice that someone searched “unit circle knitting?” So, in honor of searching for things that other people have searched for to find my blog, I searched it, thinking I may find some totally radom sweater pattern for the unit circle or something. Nope. I found myself. Dude, this blog is totally number one of Google when you search for unit circle knitting!! Yes! We are number one!
This thing wants me to go bankrupt
Dude!! I HAVE to stop living paycheck to paycheck. I don’t need the stress of this anymore! Not to mention, I am never going to be able to afford a new car. As previously stated, I am completely addicted to ebay. I am pretty out of control. Not to mention that the iPhone ebay app doesn’t help at all. The damn thing pings me every time something I am watching is about to end. And I have to check it. Because it might be at a killer price and I feel like I need it.
And now, all of these other sites are sending me emails too. Like ModCloth. And about their ridiculous 70% off sale. And I love Modcloth and I wish I had their entire website in my closet right now and I just had to buy that thing (jumpsuit) that looks like shit on me now that I have it but it looked really great on the model and…’sigh’
So, this is a new beginning! I am declaring!! I am going to finish cleaning my room and getting rid of clothing items I don’t need. For the record, this will be the third time I will be cleaning out said closet in the past 2 months. I need to let go in stages. Even though I will probably never wear that tan leather Enyce shirt with no back again, but, I might.
Anyway, no more buying a whole new wardrobe every paycheck. I do these things because I don’t feel “cool” enough, I have realized. I feel like I look like this:
When I really look like this:
Cool has to come from within, I am finding out. You know what else? It doesn’t feel very zen to have no money but tons of clothes everywhere. You just have a mess…or I just have a mess in this situation. So…yeah. Things are going to change around here. I have declared it. Next up, saving money by quitting smoking. That is going to be difficult.
A few days ago, I was walking around Atlanta, minding my own business, and suddenly all of these zombies came out of no where, like 200 zombies (!!), and they took over the streets. They were trying to get into the cars on the road and eat the people’s brains and the people in the cars were just laughing. Personally, I was afraid for my life. They didn’t tried to eat my brains because I am so awesome…or maybe I smelled, not sure. Anyway, I have video because I know that no one believes me. Zombies taking over the streets has to be video taped. And then, Justin and I followed them when it didn’t seem like they were going to eat our brains. One seemed a little interested in Justin’s brains, but I kicked him and broke his leg and he fell into the street and got hit by a car. It would have been sad if he wasn’t already a brain eating zombie.
Not that I have ever seen zombies up close and personal before, but if I had, I am sure it wouldn’t have been this many zombies. There were a bajillion, as I have illustrated to the left.
The weirdest thing was the leader zombie. Apparently, there has been an underground group of docile 
zombies creating new zombies and locking the crazy ones in cages (so I assume) for months and that is how they got so many zombies. The leader of these zombies kind of looks like the fish man from Creature from The Black Lagoon (is that what it’s called?) He was scary, but I didn’t see him eat any brains. He was probably full from creating all of the crazy zombies and eating brains.
After running away and taking lots of pictures just in case I didn’t make it and my family needed closure, the zombies passed. We didn’t get out brains eaten…phew, it was close there for a while.
Jenny The Bloggess agreed to be interviewed here and I am very excited to share it with you. The pink is in honor of The Bloggess, whose website is pink. Well, the background is pink. I am not a huge fan of pink, but hot pink is pretty cool. I guess I do like pink, hot pink. Anyway, without further ado…
So, if you could be a centaur or a unicorn, which one would it be and why?
I’d be a centaur, because unicorns aren’t real. (Good trick question, by the way.)
I’d be a centaur, because unicorns aren’t real. (Good trick question, by the way.)
You seem like someone who appreciates Alice in Wonderland…is this true?
Because I think it is the best book ever.
Because I think it is the best book ever.
It is true. And weird that you mention that because (this is totally true) I have 5 copies on my bookshelf and just bought another one this weekend. Plus, I can recite “Jabberwocky” by heart.
(This is interesting because I also have like 3 or 4 copies. But the weird thing is that none of them are readable…well, they are readable. But they are all from the early 1900′s [I collect antique Children's Books] and I would be afraid to read them. I am a book abuser. What I am trying to say is that I don’t have any recent copies.)
How did you get the idea to start The Bloggess? Did The Bloggess or Bad
Mom/Good Mom come first?
I was actually writing for another mommy blog first on the Houston Chronicle. I kept getting in trouble for saying inappropriate stuff there so I started The Bloggess. The later I switch my other mommy blog for Good Mom/Bad Mom. Then I picked up my advice column and then my sex column. I’m way too prolific and I mean that in the most negative sense of the word.
You are such a relatable (I don’t think that’s a word) writer. I personally appreciate you writing about your panic disorder because I also have it and know it can be debilitating. It’s very inspiring that you
still speak at conferences and hang out with famous strangers in spite ofthis. This isn’t really a question, more just a statement.
still speak at conferences and hang out with famous strangers in spite ofthis. This isn’t really a question, more just a statement.
It’s a very nice statement and I admire it greatly. Also, to be honest, it takes a lot of time to prepare for and recover from speaking at conferences and being “on” but it’s always worth it. Except when it’s not. This is a very unhelpful paragraph, I’m afraid.
I like that you wear a “comfort wig” when you go out. When did you start doing this? What made you decide on a wig and not a special shirt or something?
Actually it’s a “confidence wig”. Wigs are inherently uncomfortable. Unless it’s really cold out. Then they’re like a good hat, but itchy. I started wearing a confidence wig because I hate my hair and I loved that I could hide behind my wig and be someone else entirely. Plus, if I’m having a bad night I just excuse myself and change wigs and I can start all over again. It’s really quite dysfunctional in a way.
Did you marry Victor because his name is Victor? Because, he would seem like a much less dynamic person if his name was George or Hank.
Victor’s real name is not Victor. You feel betrayed now, right? But
everyone calls him Victor because his real name is the same as his dad’s and it was very confusing.
What is up with the curlers and the hair dryer? Has that always been your
logo?
That’s been my logo for years. I was drying my hair one day and thought “My God, I’ve spent a lot of time drying my hair. Like probably years of my life. And I never get anything out of it. And the next day I have to dry it all over again. This sucks.” So I pulled out my camera and took that picture of me in the mirror so I could use it as my icon so all that time blow-drying my hair would not have been wasted. It made sense at the time.
logo? That’s been my logo for years. I was drying my hair one day and thought “My God, I’ve spent a lot of time drying my hair. Like probably years of my life. And I never get anything out of it. And the next day I have to dry it all over again. This sucks.” So I pulled out my camera and took that picture of me in the mirror so I could use it as my icon so all that time blow-drying my hair would not have been wasted. It made sense at the time.
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer these questions. Also, I do feel a little betrayed that Victor’s name isn’t really Victor, but then again, I don’t really feel betrayed because he goes by Victor. I think. I am a little confused. Anyway, thank you!
(Note: I stole all of these pictures from TheBloggess.com)
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So. I was sent this interesting make up product called ColorOnPro. (By sent, I mean provided for free for me to try out) Dude…I don’t even know where to begin. This is probably the worst product ever. Besides the mini chill crap that made me throw up. I could link to the blog post about it, but I am feeling lazy (just cleaned a little, takes a lot out of me).
I have provided a picture of how ColorOnPro is supposed to work. Basically, supposed to be eyeshadow and liner that is ready to go on a sticker thingy and you just hold it up to your eye and rub it and, voila!! The perfect makeup eye!
It sounds too good to be true, and it is. Unless, maybe, you have huge alien eyes and these things fit on your lid. I don’t have huge alien eyes, in case you haven’t noticed. Neither does Roomie. Who said she was going to try these out with me, but reneged on her promise. Ass.
So, I got this:
Does this look like the perfect eye to you? Hell no. And, the stuff is sticky. Like, my eyelid was sticking to my face. Yet, they are fun to play with…so, I took a bunch more pictures and played with the different type of combos offered. If you didn’t notice, I have different ColonOns on each eye. The other one is silver. I look kind of alien. So, here are the pics. I had a blast.
And, my personal favorite (what were you thinking ColorOn people?)
All in all, don’t buy this. Unless you want to have a lot of fun (expensive fun) playing with this stuff and then immediately taking it off so no one you know will ever see you. Or, you are going to a bad makeup party. Don’t be fooled by the people trying to shove ColorOn Pro down your throat on the Today Show. It sucks, it really does.
(Yes, that is Albert Einstein on the fridge behind me)
In other news, I learned that if you put makeup on at your desk and get powder every where and don’t clean it up for like a year and a half, it ruins the finish. Who knew?
I don’t really have anything to say. So, I’m posting before and after pics of my new haircut.
Old hair:
Sassy face
New Hair:
Hipness
I have been a little worried that this haircut is too hip for me. Since I got it cut. But, after spending the whole weekend with it, I feel that it makes my frumpiness look cool. Like, with my old hair, I just looked frumpy and with this new hair I look like I’m making a statement and like I’m really cool. It’s awesome.
Also, the gloves from hell have been turned over to Al. I documented with pics. Of course. She said (quote): “I love them!” I said, “Spill something on them and die.” Just kidding…I was totally thinking it though.
Isn't Al adorable in her new, awesome gloves?
The last time I ever want to see these:
Better pic of new hair
I would like comments today, people. It’s Monday, let’s work together.
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