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I don’t get haikus
They are weird and don’t make sense
Haikus suck it hard, yeah!
Note: I counted out the syllables by clapping, so they are probably not correct. And I included this lovely picture of a cat to take away the sting of having to read a haiku. Especially one written about hating haikus. See how I did that? I am deep.
Last night. I went to dinner at a friend’s. She wanted to make gingerbread men. Here is what I created:
Flasher Gingerbread. Complete awesomeness.
Mary made a drag queen Gingerbread Man. 
Best Gingerbreads. Ever. Mine can run around town topless and not get arrested because she isn’t something that has to adhere to laws. No one ever thought gingerbreads would have boobs. They were wrong!!
Over the weekend I went to an awesome event. Like, really, really awesome. People running down a busy street in Atlanta in speedos and Santa hats in 30 degree weather. Like, tons of people. I took a bunch of pictures, but I can’t 
figure out how to get them into my computer here, so I will wait until later to put them up. And, the run raised money for charity.
A picture I stole from here. Good news, I saw this picture being taken, so I don’t feel bad for stealing.
What does this mean?
Plastic fucking dolls? I don’t think I have used that phrase together. Actually, I know I haven’t.
Search engine terms to this blog are one of the most entertaining things ever. They really keep me guessing. I like to retype them into Google and see which post it links to. It’s awesome. Keep it up Plastic Fucking Dolls. Knitting in Public loves you.
So, I saw The Fourth Kind a few weeks ago and it made me think. They allude to alienspopulating the planet..with people. I did this artistic rendering for you all…
T-Rex is in there so that you know about the dinosaurs being here before the aliens came and brought people. Yes, you’re right, the flying saucer does look like a sombrero. It was probably those devious aliens who brought on the iceage (nuclear power? something we don’t even know about?) and killed the dinosaurs. They probably made the crater in the Yucatan Peninsula to throw us off their trail. Anyway, they came and killed the dinosaurs with lasers or something and populated the earth and that is how the pyramids were made. Because the aliens had rulers.
Now you know where you came from. You aren’t really American or Mexican or Chinese, you are alien. You’re welcome.
A lovely jewelry designer sent me a pair of earring to check out the other day. And, I must say, they are lovely. Miss Joy has many great pieces to see and buy…unfortunately for my bank account, she has a lot of must haves. (I need that!!)
I love the earrings I received from A Thousand Joys. They are great for every season…right now, Christmas, they look like little holiday trees or snowflakes. Spring, they look like new trees, Summer…sun beams? I don’t know. They are cute though.
And, when I wear them, people ask me where I got them. This is the number one most important thing about having cool jewelry. Other people coveting it. Write that down.
Have you ever really listened to the words to “Santa Claus is Coming to Town?” That song is really creepy.
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
If sounds like he is going to beat you to death. Suppress your emotions because Santa is coming…he is going to get you! Because
He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
OMG! Santa is like a stalker! He is watching you all the time?! He is like those horrible crazies on Criminal Minds that are all about torture and insanity. Santa is going to get you and when he does and has you in his secret lair, you better not pout or cry, because who knows what he is going to do to you. There are all of those elf minions who are running around doing Santa’s will. Like little demons.
When I was a kid, my mom told me that whenever I heard a noise, it was Santa’s elves watching me in the vents of the house to make sure I am behaving. I think this lie added to my hatred of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” Way to make a little kid paranoid, mom. No wonder I have some emotional problems.
A few days ago, I decided 
that I need a mustache necklace. Why? Why do I need a mustache necklace? So I can do things like the girl in the picture. I need to have a mustache handy to make a point…like, all the time. (If you want your own mustache necklace, you can get it here)
I was telling Justin this, and he thought it was ridiculous. A mustache necklace is never ridiculous. Ever. I suggested that he get a mustache tattoo. Over his nipple. He told me he didn’t think that was a good idea. And, he barely even laughed. WTF? Then, I said I am going to get a mustache tattoo over my nipple. Then we could have matching mustache tattoos over our nipples. And it was going to be wonderful. There was silence. Justin told me he would break up with me if I get a mustache tattoo. Especially if it is over my nipple. I told him he doesn’t believe in true love. Like me. He is such a downer.
This company, Minichill, contacted me and asked me to review their product. They told me that their product is a little shot to calm you down and help you focus. Having panic disorder, I agreed (not to mention they sent it to me for free). Anything to make me feel a little calmer is a wonderful thing.
So, after recovering from being sick for several days, I brought a Minichill to the office to test. Big mistake. First thing, the Minichill tastes really bad. Like, so bad that you should close your nose and tilt your head back to get it to go down as fast as possible. And, just in case you are wondering, washing it down with coffee is a horrible mistake. Several minutes went by, THEN, a wave of nausea washed over me (actually, more smashed into me and knocked my bathing suit off). I was so sick, I had to go home for the day and groan to myself on the couch. Really pathetic.
I thought, “Maybe I was just sick.” Perhaps, I hadn’t completely gotten over my sickness and the nausea was caused by that and maybe the Minichill just helped a little. Much to Roomie’s chagrin, I tried another Minichill. Because I am a professional.
While I didn’t feel so naseous I thought I was going to die (like the first time) I did feel sick. I had to lay in the bed for several hours on a Saturday, wasting precious weekend hours. I wasn’t happy about it. Roomie laughed at my stupidity. (I wished I had heard the flock of puppies story at this point.)
My review is, unless you are a sick sadist and enjoy hurting yourself (I know that you are out there), do not buy this or drink it. Ever.
http://knitinpublic.com/2009/12/04/flock-of-puppies-like-flock-of-seagulls-but-much-cuter/
I am soooooooooo addicted to ebay! It’s ridiculous. I was at my friend’s house the other day for a girls’ night, and I was on my iPhone and she was all like, what are you doing? And, I shamefully responded, I’m on ebay, and she told me she was going to take my phone away.
There is a freakin’ ebay app for the iPhone. Seriously? How am I supposed to get off of ebay if my damn phone is pinging me every 5 minutes, telling me something I am watching is about to end or that I just got outbid? I have to win because I am a competitive ass because I need that sweater/dress/headband/tights/shirt. I need it. Also, if someone has set her highest bid above mine and it’s more than I want to pay, I have started just running up the price, dollar by dollar out of spite. So she has to pay more. What is wrong with me?
Dude, my grandmother told me about this ebay thing that comes in and bids for you in the last 30 seconds. I want to share it with you, but what if you use it and we are bidding on the same thing and you outbid me because I told you about this program? I have a problem. It’s definitely a sickness. I need help.
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