You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November 2009.
On Blogher, there is a contest to win soup. Or, like $1,000 worth of soup. And, I amuse my self.
Contest Rules below:
Building healthy habits now can help keep your kids healthy for life. Tell us how you help your kids for chance to win $1,000.
As a parent, we all strive to help our kids grow up healthy, happy, and confident. Share with us ways you are helping your children grow up living a healthy life. Post your comment in the section below and you will automatically be entered to win!
I have no children, but would still like $1,000. So, I posted this.
Healthy Eating
Well, I don’t have any kids. But I do have cats. And, to keep them healthy, I don’t let them eat Campbell’s. Or vegetables. Or any people food. I think they would get the runs. Cat food all the way. They have really shiny coats. That means that they are healthy.
Hahahahahahaha.
Last week’s quitting smoking was a fail. People kept offering me cigarettes and I kept smoking them. And then this weekend I bought a pack, and then another and another. Quitting smoking is hard!
Triumph today though!! Not one cigarette all day. I think my co-workers are thrilled. They seem to be really annoyed at my cigarette bumming. I think they were just being nice last week, since I was new and all.
Yesterday, after getting little sleep Friday night (Justin broke his collar bone. Was going to write about trip to the emergency room, but thought that might be a little bitchy) I locked my keys in my car with it running. With it running!! Something so dumb, it’s hard to fathom that I even did it.
I have AAA, but instead of calling them right away (the car was running, did I mention that?), my friend and I tried to break into the car. For, like, an hour.
Ginny ran over to the dry cleaners down the street to get a coat hanger to try to unlock the car. We used a size 35 knitting needle that I happened to have in my purse to pry the door open (no screw drivers in sight) and push the coat hanger into the car. I bent the knitting needle beyond recognition, ripped up all of the weather stripping on the window and managed to scratch most of the paint off of that part of the
door. Awesome. Car. Running. ‘sigh’
This guy (pictured at right) helped scratch most of the paint off. While it was nice that he stopped to help, he had one of the most insane outfits on that I have ever seen. I have marked it all out for you in the photo, complete with mustache that you can’t see from the angle of the photo. BTW, Miss Ginny took most of these photos while giving me sideways eyes and laughing. Way to treat a Good Samaritan, Ginny.
He disappeared to go scavenging for supplies (what?!!) for a little while and came back with a stick and a leaf. I am only sharing this with you because it’s weird and I didn’t know what 
to do. So, I thanked him profusely for his help and told him I had called AAA and didn’t want to damage my car any further. He left. And he didn’t try to get any contact info from either of us. Much appreciated.
THEN, while waiting for AAA, a guy with a kidnapper van (large, white, no windows in the back) showed up. But, he had a British accent, so I didn’t realize his kidnappishness immediately. I 
started to walk over to his van while he was rummaging for his tools, but then I heard Oprah’s voice in my head. And the narrator from Rescue 911 (the show) and didn’t walk over there. He left after all he could produce was a screwdriver. (Dude, you think we haven’t tried a screw driver? C’mon)
This lovely lady saved the day. Guess what she did? Give up? She poked this thing in the window and then rolled the window down. Because the car was running. I felt like an idiot. We hadn’t even considered that. And, FYI, if you locked the keys in the car with it running, AAA will get there really fast. It won’t seem fast if you have been trying to break into your car for an hour, though.
I was listening to some music on Groove Shark this morning, then this ad came up.
I don’t even know what this is. The directions on it make it sound like a game of some sort, but the half naked, dancing (?) women make it look like a chat line. I have stared at it for a while and tried to figure it out. I have no clue. And if you do “want to play,” I don’t have the link. Go to Groove Shark and pray it comes back up.
Also, here are some pictures of my desk to make you 
jealous. Yes, those are dogs resting there. And it is wonderful. They were sitting up there against their will sleeping and it was SO cute. Yes, Yorkies sleep standing
up and with their eyes open…weird breed. Here is another picture of me and Mattie. We are in Heaven. Dogs and the workplace is like the most genius thing that has ever happened to me the world.
And here’s a picture of another dog. This dog just runs around and does whatever it wants. It’s kind of interesting. Right there he is lounging, but then he got up and ran 
up and down the stairs. Weirdo.
Also, I made this with Foto Flexer this week. You can tell I have been really productive, what with all of the dog pics and Foto Flexing and stuff.
I always wish I had bigger eyes, a smaller nose and slightly bigger lips. I might have over done it. What do you think?
I was surfing the internet this morning, perfectly happy with life…then I came across the Blythe website. I think I need this. Like need it. Blythe has way cooler shoes and clothing and hair than I do! And I’m real!
The Blythe dolls are seriously creepy, but in like a cool, cute way. Does that even make sense? And her eyes change 
colors and one of the colors is pink, like death. You can also buy different eye colors for Blythe which just adds to the creepiness. A lot.
Guess what? You can get completely ridiculous shoes for your Blythe doll that are so tacky a whore would be embarrassed to wear them. But, I totally want them. Guess what again? They are $22!! I could buy a pair of real shoes (like, for me) with that much money. If I got a Blythe doll, I would get really obsessed with making sure that my doll had an awesome wardrobe, but it wouldn’t matter because I don’t play with dolls and Blythe isn’t real and can’t brag to the other dolls about her cool, expensive dolls clothes. And then I won’t have any money and I will have do try to sell the doll clothes I bought, but everyone I tried to sell to would laugh at me because I spent so much on doll clothes and can’t pay my rent and I would be homeless and die. ‘sigh’ So, I don’t need a Blythe doll. But, I want one. No one buy me one though, seriously. No matter how much I say I want one…I could become homeless 
because of this doll. That is serious.
Look at this dress!!! For a fucking doll!! I need this dress!! Question, why do those shoes cost half as much as the dress? By the way, I also want the hair on this doll. You can buy wigs for Blythe too. Ridiculous…
Today, thus far, I have only smoked one cigarette. Yay me. And, I smoked only a few during the work day yesterday.
But, when I got home I totally fell off the wagon and smoked an entire pack in like 4 hours. Boo me.
I believe that starting smoking is my greatest regret. I have done a lot of stupid things, but this is the most lasting. I remember being 16 and working as a hostess at Chili’s and some 25 year old dude came over to me and was like, “You look stupid” and I was all like, “I’m so cool, I’m smoking.” And he’s all like, “When I was your age and I was smoking, someone told me to quit and that they regretted starting smoking and I didn’t believe him because I thought I was cool, like you do, but now I remember that all the time…you think about that.” And, of course, I rolled my eyes and was all like, “Whatever man, I’m 16, I know everything, duh.” Guess what?!! I think about that guy all the time and wish I had listened to him!! Ironic, huh? It is, don’t worry.
The moral of this story is that hopefully I will be able to quit smoking. Because it’s hard (the quitting, not the smoking). And, it makes your skin wrinkly and old looking. And, most importantly, it can give you cancer and/or emphysema. Both of those suck and I heard that with emphysema you just aren’t able to breathe anymore and you just die. That sounds really bad. Like, really bad. Not to mention that smoking is really expensive and just because Obama decides that he wants to quit and is punishing everyone even though he can totally afford it who knows how high the taxes will go. No one. Except Obama and friends.
I feel a little sick from lack of nicotine. Don’t mind me over here.
P.S. Feel free to leave me really encouraging comments. I needs those.
If this happened to me, I would be seriously creeped out.
A lot of people are all smiley about it. Like, “Isn’t that cute? There is a song coming out of that money and it is been looking at me, it’s trying to help me.” It’s not cute. It’s really freaking scary! Who paid that money to follow you 
around all the time? It must be getting something really good about of the deal. I know you are all like, it’s money, it doesn’t need pay, but if it used itself as money then it wouldn’t have a body. Think.
And, how did it get that mini MP3 player inside of itself? Even though it doesn’t have a mouth, it’s still communicating…through music, just like Mozart. So, it’s kind of like an artist, but it’s watching you. And following you around. People are all smiley at it. That is when it makes its kill move. Right after they turn the camera off, the money kills those people. That is the only reason it would waste all of that time with the music and the following. So, next time you see googley eyed money and hear that song, run. Because you know what’s next. Consider yourself warned. This is because I care.
Having trouble sleeping lately. Maybe this is why. Yes, that cat is molded to my face. I had the lights turned out, but I turned them back on to document this craziness. I 
have tried to move him off of my face, and he gets all pissy and jumps on my bedside table and tried to break stuff. I know he’s trying to break stuff because he cries first and then, “boom,” something flies across the room. Yes, he is very sweet, but he is like a hat I never wanted (as a hat, not as a cat). Right this very moment, he is standing over the keyboard staring in my face. Note to Caspian, your whole body doesn’t need to be touching me at all times.
He likes to try to keep me from doing everything. Knitting, painting, reading…whatever. He just had his ass in my face. Like right now. And, it was gross. And, 
he farts on me sometimes. And it smells. They are all SBD’s. Ew. Double, triple, ew.
So, yeah, I have one cat who is addicted and one who is bossy and demanding. And by bossy, I mean that he screams at me when he doesn’t get his way. It’s loud.
‘Sigh’.
Last night was trying. First of all, I couldn’t sleep because I accidentally took a four hour nap in the middle of the day we didn’t have any toilet paper. So I reached out to Twitter for help and no one came through. Thanks a lot, guys. Geez.
Twitter posts…
- We have no toilet paper. Roomie was supposed to get it, so she didn’t come home
- Dear Roomie, you’re evil for knowingly leaving the house with no tp
- Need. Toilet paper. Now
- @MsSerendipitist tmi (from a friend)
- (My reply) @kajatl my cat threw up. No paper towels either. (My cat did throw up, but it was like 4 hours before this and I cleaned it up with a piece of white paper and some Taco Bell napkins I found)
- I’m going to the store. I’m trying to learn about the Yeti, for God’s sake! If I don’t return in 30, I got mugged (No one cared. It was sad. And I emailed the guy from Destination Truth because he was running around the woods in Siberia looking for Yeti and that’s really insane)
- I didn’t get mugged. I’m back (Still, no one cared)
- I’m hiding all of the toilet paper I just bought under my bed. (Just kidding. I would totally do this because I’m spiteful never do this because it’s mean. And, I’m an adult.)
In other news, there is a new thing on Twitter. Lists. I have absolutely NO idea how this works, but I just visited my Twitter page and apparently, I am on several lists. This is exciting. I’m on a lists called:
- iris (?? This means nothing to to me)
- shawties (The really disturbing thing is that I don’t know this person and I don’t think I follow him. I am also on his iris list…hmmm…)
- hilarity
- s0-freaking-funny
- cool-peeps
- entertaining folks and several to do with Atlanta, but I live in Atlanta, so those aren’t as interesting to me.
So yes, I just spent about 20 minutes writing about myself. Since I have dedicated 20 whole minutes to myself already, I will add a little extra. I get really, really excited when I get retweeted or Follow Friday’ed on Twitter. And I tell Justin and I’m all like, “I just got Follow Friday’d by like 3 people in a row. Goodness, I’m so awesome!” Justin isn’t amused and usually mumbles something about trying to be more humble. Then I roll my eyes and just sit in my awesomeness. And then I usually get a bill in the mail. Suddenly, I’m not so awesome. Because awesome people have accountants to pay their bills or something. I think. That is what happened on Seinfeld.
P.S. I absolutely love my roommate, she just does weird stuff sometimes. Like, when she knows that there is no toilet paper and it’s her time to buy it and then doesn’t come home. Like that. But, I wouldn’t trade her for the world, she is one of the most wonderful and positive people I have ever met. That being said…
I never exercise. Like ever. I have a lot of aspirations to be really, really fit one day, like a body builder, but not gross. But that would mean that I would have to strain myself and workout and I don’t know how to work out and I am lazy. So, my aspiration is kind of a problem.
For about a week, I have been threatening to go on a run. Problem is, I never run. I got the idea because I had to run about 100 feet to meet the Zifty person who was dropping off food. And, even though it was only 100 feet, I thought, I can do this. But, in the days to come, I realized that maybe I couldn’t run. I had plans to run, but the thought of actually running and looking stupid allowed my laziness to talk me out of it. Because it’s the laziness’s fault, not mine. Of course.
However!!! This morning, I decided a brisk walk with the option to run may be better. So, I did it! And, I saw a swan. And it was lovely. But, the swan was hanging out with all of these ducks and the ducks were like a fourth of the size of the swan and it looked weird. Like Godzilla was trying to fit in with normal people and he was all like, “I’m just like you,” and the regular sized people are like, “You’re Godzilla, you’re huge.” So, while it was funny and beautiful, it was also sad. But not too sad because the swan could’ve put those mouthy ducks in their place by just stepping on one’s head or something.
The moral here is that I exercised and I didn’t die. Or pass out. Or get mugged (yet, knock on wood). Now I can feel good about myself for exercising for the next month or so.
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