For the last 3 years of living with these cats, it has been established that they do not sit on the tables. Or the counter. 
Then, there were dogs over here, for like 2 days. ONLY 2 DAYS!! The cat food had to go on the counter (because dogs these dogs are ravenous pigs) and one of the cats now thinks that it is okay to sleep on the counter and sit and bathe on the coffee table. No. This is not okay.
I think she is actually addicted to sitting on uncomfortable items. I caught her sleeping 
on my bike on the porch the other day when there is a really comfortable armchair (yes, sometimes armchairs belong on porches) like, 3 feet away. I don’t understand this. It has become a real problem. Especially when she sleeps on a black garbage bag on the counter and she blends in and I can’t see her and then she wakes up when I am making something and scares the shit out of me. Not cool, Aravis, not cool. (Maybe she thinks she is a real life princess because she is named after a queen of Narnia and she thinks that the tables and counters are her throne. She’s not a princess. Just saying, Aravis. Get a life.)
I am seriously considering getting one of those plastic carpet things that grandmothers get to protect the carpet (just get hardwoods, those things are awful) and turning it upside down on the table so there will be plastic spikes. This is all to help her addiction. I can’t have her ruining the furniture be an enabler. 
She only sits on the couch if Justin is over here, who she has known for approximately 8 months and who is allergic to her. Here is her whoring herself out to Justin.
I have also considered that she hates me. She just completely ignores me when I am talking to her. I’m like, “Hey you! I feed you! Look at me when I am talking to you!!” And she’s all like, “I don’t hear anything, I am looking out the window” except she doesn’t say that because she is a cat and can’t talk. But she is thinking it. I can tell.
Here she is 5 minutes ago while I am telling her to get off the table. I can tell that she really wants to get off, I can see it in her eyes, but she can’t because she’s addicted. Like just before a heroin addict shoots up, they don’t want to, but they have to. It is like the same thing.
I’m here for you Aravis, to love you through your addiction, but not too much, because you are going to get stabbed with plastic spikes soon and I want you off the tables.
P.S. It’s the cat that’s the whore. Not Justin.
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October 27, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Dynasty
…last night i worked out and was watching Shooter in a sweaty shirt because i was too lazy and tired to shower right away…the kitten took this opportunity to pounce on my back as i was leaning over. Not the plush couch, not the countertop where food was left out in plain sight, but the sweaty shirt on my back. He proceeded to stay curled around my neck the entire movie…guess he likes Shooter too…Mark Walburg damn you!
October 27, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Dina
i had a cat my beloved winston, then i got a dog my son zed (we have a connection) winston was around 5yo when we brought the dog home. he never, ever touched the earth again as far as i can tell. he went from counter to counter, fridge, windowsills, stairs. anything he could do from getting chased he would do. it was really quite sad actually, i will never, ever have a cat first and a dog second in this house.
October 27, 2009 at 5:55 pm
ramblette
Dina,
I would really love some pictures of that. It sounds awesome. When I was a kid, we had a dog first and when we got a cat she would latch onto his tail and ski around the hardwoods. It was hilarious.
Me
October 27, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Mrs. Booms
I have been thinking for weeks that I really miss having a cat and should get one.
Now? I’m thinking, not really.
November 1, 2009 at 2:47 pm
My phone number on my cat’s collar is for emergencies only, like if one gets hit by a car or something « Knitting in Public
[...] ever met her before. My cat was on her porch and she just called to tell me that she likes my cat (the addicted one) and wants to know what kind of cat she is. Lady, this is abuse of my phone number. When you [...]