Knitting in Public

When I was in high school, I was always drawing and writing stuff.  And I was always doing in to get published.  Because, in my high school mind, getting published was no big deal.  Send the publishing company the work, they send back money and voila, you’re famous and you have a book out.  I made the following when I was a senior because I’d never seen anything like it before and it still makes me laugh.

BTW, it took forever to scan these into the computer, just sayin’

It says…ahem “Cheerleader: Generally found in the backseats of cars.  Often have gum in their mouths with a strand of hair wrapped around finger.  Can be classified by annoying highpitched giggle, followed by a head swish.  They are always jumping around and laughing.  Usually wearing school colors and waving arms around.  Often found among the football player species.

Pop Star: This species can be quite interesting and entertaining, for reasons besides the obvious.  They are popping up in surprising numbers across the country.  Like the Popularity Queen species, they tend to run into things, but that is simply due to the fact they are always singing, eyes closed (of course).  More often than not, this singing makes those around them want to cover their ears and run in the opposite direction.  They also tend to “boogie” and continuously shake their hips in an inappropriate manner.

They an commonly be found in very, very tight pants and skimpy tops.  Usually have very tall, strappy contraptions on their feet that cause them to stumble when they aren’t falling due to sing-walking. (NOTE: This was before American Idol. Now it’s even worse!)

Slut: Only found around men, usually men who have a nice chunk of change.  They tend to frequent bars, mainly in the back rooms or any dark corner.  They enjoy dancing grotesquely with just about anything they can get away with, even some things they can’t.

Classified by chest area that bulges from clothing, bare mid-drift and extremely revealing skirt.  They often sit or stand in exotic, provocative poses.

Wannabe: This species in very peculiar.  They want to be everything they are not and try to actually embody these characteristics.  There are usually a few of them following and drooling on the Popularity Queen species.

They often try extremely hard to wear “hip” clothing but always fall short by some degree.  These creatures can be quite dangerous, not to mention annoying, if they happen to latch on to you.  A good weapon is splashing them in the face with water, they are terrified by the thought of running mascara.  Can be classified by constant bowing to the Popularity Queens and continuous snubbing of other species.

Nerd: Can typically be found in the quiet rooms in libraries across the nation.  Usually covet items such as pocket protectors and multi-colored pencil grips.  Travels in herd, but are sometimes seen in packs of two or three.

Can be classified by unusual clothing, often drastically out of style.  Found in the front of classrooms with hands in the air.  More common in some places than in others.

Fitness Fanatic: Found in gyms world wide.  Always obsessing about healthy living.  Love to talk and talk about exercise routines.  Usually quite jittery and constantly muttering about a schedule.  Have trouble staying still.

Clothes in multiple colors of sports bras and cheerleading shorts.  They are never without their most comfortable tennis shoes.

Popularity Queen: Constantly running into things and people due to noses stuck in the air.  Has an expectation of being worshiped by all who come in contact with them, and there is hell to pay if this doesn’t occur.  They can be found making fun of the nerd, goth, hippie and several other species.

They are often clothed in skirts and knee socks.  Tend to be seen with those just like themselves and the cheerleader species.  CAUTION: For total safety, steer clear, they can be dangerous.  Watch for glared eyes!

Goth Chick: Always dressed in black, sometimes have powdery white substance on face.  Hair is usually black and stick straight.  Has a pessimistic outlook on life and everything in between.  They are often fascinated by death and enjoy scaring non goths.

I hope you enjoyed.  Please remember that I wrote this a long time ago,even though my hand writing looks the same.  Before American Idol and back when knee socks were really in.  And if this day doesn’t speed up, I am going to freak out a little bit more every 5 minutes!!

Tootles!